the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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