Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
