awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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