dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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