I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
