she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize