I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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