Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
