please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
