I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
