I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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