Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize