I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's shark week go big or go home
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
