..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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