he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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