boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize