Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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