Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
how does that bad decision feel?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
