I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
