he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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