I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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