Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
