it's too hot outside to masturbate.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
