I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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