So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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