we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
a search helicopter?!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
