just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
