I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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