I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
