woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
