There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
