Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
