lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize