I wanna bring you to show and tell
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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