your thong is hanging out like whoa
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
