woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
