if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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