He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
