dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
