You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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