Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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