my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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