I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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