i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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