I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
