If i come over, it means nothing
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
