Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize