Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
