Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
