Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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