I'll bet she douches with gravy.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize