Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
