My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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