Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
