paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize