fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
