shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
