who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
