Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
