david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
