new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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