Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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