Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
