Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
