Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
