Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
